THE COMEDY NERD

With Dave dropping the Joke of the Fringe this year and the ISH Edinburgh Comedy Awards – with which I am proudly associated picking up the challenge – I thought it only fair to share a dozen of my favourite jokes from the many shows I’ve seen. Enjoy.

I hate all the train adverts now trying to pretend they’re the good guys. Oh go green, take the train! The train is not the most socialist form of transport, if the news has taught us anything, it’s that the most socialist method of transport are submarines.
Alexandra Haddow

There is of course a gay feudal system, it goes from Gay Lord all the way down to the Village People.
Andrew White

My mum often comments on my weight, but in her defence, in the time she’s known me I’ve put on nearly 16 stone.
Burt Williamson

I really admire jockeys. I think it’s amazing how they can handle all that speed and power out on the racecourse. Especially when you consider not one of them has been on a rollercoaster.
Ed Night

I joined the Comedy society. I could’ve joined the maths club but I felt they weren’t socially awkward and neurodivergent enough for me.
Eric Rushton

I’m mixed race, it’s a bit of a weird mix.  I’m Swiss Indian, so Swindian – not from Swindon it’s not that bad.  I thought at school I’ll turn it into a positive and give myself a nickname ‘Swiss Chocolate’.  It didn’t catch on they called me the Bounty instead, you know because I was brown on the outside… and nobody liked me.
Jamie D’Souza

My friend was suicidal – they put him on a nine-month waiting list to a see a therapist. Luckily, in the end he got seen in three months. That’s the great thing about being in a queue with suicidal people.
Jonny Pelham

I didn’t get into art school, which I think I’m taking quite well compared to other people in history.
Laura Davis

I come from a long line of short people. My family tree is a bonsai.
Leslie Gold

I thought I was in love with two people at the same time, until I leaned in for a kiss. Turns out it was just a vase.
Roger O’Sullivan

I went speed dating the other day, but it’s hard to feel like you’re really getting to know someone when you have to focus on keeping the bus above 50mph at all times.
Sam Nicoresti 

Twenty-seven per cent of my country speak Welsh – including two members of Steps. Which means Steps has more Welsh speakers per capita than Wales.
Steffan Alun